Pillow Talk
by Shadow of Arashi
Summary: A ronin and a warlord have a midnight talk after the whole Gaiden mess, as a ronin can't seems to forget the torture he went through. YAOI, romance, angst and sap.


**Author's notes**: This is a short piece that came to me under strange circumstances, to say the least. This is what happens when Shadow thinks too much about Seiji and Anubisu, has read one more time **Darkness Bind Them** and watched Alien I at the same time at 3.16 am. The wonder of nights and insomnia…

**Warning**: Yaoi, sap and angst, nothing more. Also the whole story is under the form of a dialogue, nothing much here is worth being noted. Just read okay?

**Disclaimer**: I don't own Ronin Warriors or Darkness Bind Them, the story of my dear friend Ginzai. Ginzai you are the best and I dedicate this story to you.

Pillow Talk 

By Shadow of Arashi

"So."

"So. You don't seem very happy."

"What do you want me to say?"

"I don't know, something? Something other than this sad face you are giving me at least. Are you mad at me?"

"Mad? No. Not at you anyway."

"Then that's wrong? You are depressed and unhappy, I can see it. I don't even need the armor link for that."

"Nothing."

"It's hardly nothing when you are brooding as you do now. Usually you are very civilized, you of courtesy. But now you are being very rude, and a bit out of character. This is my job, if I believe you."

"Shut up."

"A reaction at least. Not very nice but it's a start I guess."

"Oh please. Since you are so insistent about it, I'm angry okay? Angry at you, but mostly at myself and I'm feeling… miserable..."

"…Am I that bad? Did I hurt you this much, that you won't even look at me in the eyes right now as you speak?"

"Don't give yourself so much credits Anubisu. I shouldn't have come."

A rustle of sheets, covers pushed away angrily.

"But you did, you came and you are here now."

"Yes, and it was a mistake."

"Was it?"

"Yes! Beside you know I'm not here by choice!" 

"I don't remember forcing you into my bed."

"You know what I mean! I can't go back and you know it, not after what happened. So stop it!"

"Stop what? Can be you be a little more precise?"

"Here, you are doing it again."

"What? What did I do now?"

A sharp, strangled intake of breath.

"You… you are treating me like a child! And you don't even notice!"

"A child? You mean to tell me… that I'm treating you like a child?"

"Yes you do! Assuming what I think, judging me, even now. Do you think it's easy for me?! I'm betraying all that I hold dear and believe in by being with you!"

"Seiji…"

"No you listen! I'm betraying my friends, my family, my honor and you… you are still treating me like a child! Am I nothing else than that for you? A child? The same boy you fought before? Or worse, am I just a game for you? A bet with yourself to see if you can pick up the broken pieces? Is that what you think? That you can fix me up _that_ way?"

A derisive sneer, sounding forced and more sad than angry, the soft rustle of fabric over skin and the shock, frustration of another.

"Seiji, are you listening to yourself? You are many thing but a child is not one of them. You may have been a child at the time, but not now. I wouldn't have done what I did, what I've done with you if I still thought you to be a child. I respect the person that you are, the proud warrior that is my equal on the battleground. I never tried or thought of using you as you seem to believe in all the time we were together. I can see why you would think so through, and I understand, but it's not easy for me either so don't go placing all the blame on me. My whole world has been turned upside down since I met you, I had to rethink my entire life in the short time I've been with you and I'm more then 500 years old. Such changes don't occur in one day. Both of us are struggling in this relationship."

A shook of the head and a nervous handing of the covers. Then a pause

"Relationship? Can we really call it that…?"

A longer pause, then a tired, sad sigh.

"Why are you being so cynical? It doesn't become you."

"And what become me then? Can you tell me Anubisu? It seems that I cannot answer this question lately."

The voice came out, weak and tired and humorless, as the sound of a body laying and the squealing of a bed are heard.

"A kind soul. A kind soul and a rather shy boy, bent in hiding from reality while trying to accomplish his duty at the same time. A boy with too much on his mind for such a frail being."

The squeal of a mattress as a body moves again, as if the person had been startled.

"Frail? You see me as frail?"

"Not on the battlefield of course, but emotionally. You are like a butterfly. A slight change of the wind, a cruel hand and you are down, broken on the floor. You know how to fight physical enemies but not your own demons. Not that I blame you. But you are so unsure of yourself, that even now you are questioning yourself and I."

"Shouldn't I…? How can I ever be sure that I'm doing the right thing if I don't questioned myself? Not so long ago we were still enemies, and now I find myself in a relationship with you. Is it right? And what of my friends then? What of my…"

"You are doing it again Seiji. You don't know if you are doing the right thing, but if you don't try you won't get anywhere. I'm not much different, you know. If anything I have all the more reasons to doubt myself. I made many mistakes, and I'm still trying not to do it again."

"Really? I don't see Rajura, Naaza or Kayura minding much my presence by your side."

"They don't know the whole thing."

"But they suspect it. I'm not blinded, and they aren't stupid. How long will it take them to find out, if they didn't figure it out already?"

"Does it matter? Does it really matter to you what they think?"

"…"

"Do you hate me?"

"What?"

"Do you hate me?"

"I…"

"See? You can't say it, because you don't."

"You are right, I don't hate you. I stopped feeling hate for you a while ago now, if I ever did. I don't even know if it can be call hate. You really puzzled me. But it doesn't change a thing to my situation."

"But you are the only one who give yourself all those trouble Seiji. I may not be the best to speak in such a case, but you are the one who torture himself with doubts. You weren't responsible for _this_ mess, and you know it. Only you think otherwise. Stop blaming yourself and have some faith in yourself. You know, for someone so smart you really need to learn to trust yourself more."

"Faith in myself? But I…"

"No you don't, not fully. You doubt your abilities and your judgment, why?"

"…Because I… I… I don't know how to answer that..."

"Then don't say anything, just feel."

"Feel?"

"Yes. Do what your heart tells you. You can do it right?"

"Of course! Who do you take me for?! Here you are doing it again! Treating me like…"

"Only because you are acting like one now. I know you better than anyone, I know you can think for yourself. Now you just have to prove it to me."

"Prove it? And how do you want me to do that?"

"Do I have to answer?"

"I guess no. It was silly of me. Still, it's weird to heard you say that to me. You who delighted in confusing me, manipulating me."

"This was before. And it is precisely because of this, as much as I hate it, that I can speak to you about it now. Because I know you, and I know how you think."

"Really?"

"Yes, I made it a point to know you when I first meet you. When I was still working for Arago it was to beat you, now I'm doing it to love you."

A long pause, not exactly uneasy, but not comfortable either. A sigh.

"What are you thinking about?"

"What you just said."

"Ah…. And?"

"And I think… I think that you are right on some points. Maybe I worry too much. But I can't stop it, it's a part of me. But I guess… I guess I can try."

"Try what?"

"Try to have faith in myself, and what I feel. But I can't do it alone."

"Oh… and what, or rather who do you need to help you?"

"I think you know this person already." 

"I do?"

"Yes. He is right next to me, as strange as it may sound. I think... I think I have all I need here..."

"Seiji…"

"Don't speak. For once you listen and don't speak Anubisu… I want… I want you to help me forget, please…"

Silence as the gentle whispering of voices stop, then the soft noise of kisses being exchanged almost reverently. Until the squealing of a bed once more echoes into the room, as muffled sounds of passion take over.

OWARI 

**Shadow**: To clarify facts this story takes place just after Gaiden. I'm following Ginzai's idea that Anubisu, with his connection to Seiji, felt something was wrong and came to help him. At the time of the dialogue Seiji is staying with Anubisu and the other ex warlords (be it on earth or the youjakai, I haven't really decided) and the two have started a relationship. The troopers don't know yet about Seiji. It is chaotic and many issues are in the way of their love as you can see, but they are working on it. Hope it makes sense. Because when you write something at 3.16 am, one can worry about the quality of it… -_-

To Ginzai, from her loving twin sister.

PS: and to Split Persona as well, as an apology gift as I'm finishing Going Under. -_-


End file.
